this is what love is


something profoundly beautiful happened to me a few days ago.  it is getting cooler out, which means i cannot sit out anymore.  but the sun was out & i thought to just take trixie out briefly  & then my friend came walking up the driveway with a big package.  she said, “i think this is going to be emotional.”

& as soon as she said that, i started crying.  because i knew what was in the big box.

even if my brain worked & i could capture thoughts & words the way i used to, i am still not sure i could do justice to this beautiful act of love.  & what it meant to me.  it came as well on a day that marked a year since the rest of my life collapsed & i sank deeper into ME.  thus, profoundly changing the nature of the day.

i think i have to let..  this be told by the card & the link to julie’s blog.


i will add julie’s words:

“The beginning of this lovely thing that happened begins and ends with YOU …. You engender a side of love and life within other’s hearts and minds …. YOU saw something beautiful in the leaves lying on your land ….. and your vision inspired mine so I painted ….. and Trixie nuzzled her way in wink emoticon ….. the painting ALWAYS belonged with you and its simply come home ……….. and it got there because of the love YOU inspired in the hearts of everyone who contributed to get Trixie’s Confettii to its rightful owner. They love you so so so much, everyday they think of you and getting this to you, my beautiful divine friend, enabled them to express the love they sometimes feel is inadequate. You and how you live with this terrible terrible disease is profoundly beautiful and heartbreaking and somehow inspiring ….. my words at this point are inadequate …….you are just AWESOME in the truest sense of the word.

I L O V E Y O U …….. because of YOU”

& truthfully, i am crying again.  i can’t access words at all right now..  just feelings.. i will add something i posted elsewhere in trying to respond:

“god, i love you guys.. my sisters.. so much.. today i am.. still.. floating somewhere in space..  i feel such a deep peace & love & sense of gratitude & blessing.

this was such a beautiful act of love. i have been so very very blessed in so many ways. i feel that so deeply every day. even though i am so much sicker than a year ago. all the good things – returned to me to sit next to .. the hard things. & that is a gift .. & it is grace.

& what you have done for me – is again to touch me so deeply in these most beautiful & loving ways. even severely ill – the heart can be so very moved. maybe even more so because of the constant reminder of fragility & preciousness. amidst darkness, your spirits shine & your love lights the way.”

how blessed i am to have such loving & wonderful friends.   this disease has taken me away from them.  & i miss them so much.  the thing with being ill with severe ME is that one’s heart can be so filled & broken simultaneously.  i truly hope my friends know how very thankful i am for the way they have touched & changed my life.  & how our hearts & souls will forever remain connected.



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