this is what leaving feels like


these photos are from a year ago.

now i have been officially on my own for a year. today the weather is quite bad- cold & windy & rain. just like a year ago. & i am crashing bad.. but can’t seem to stop it. i have dysautonomia as part of my ME. it means my autonomic nervous system doesn’t work right. it means i can’t regulate my temperature, sleep, digestion, heart rate, blood pressure.

i have been wearing multiple clothes & blankets to try to stop my shaking. but it’s been going on for awhile. which is not a good thing for my ME. my heat rate is way too high & just trying to get food i was spiking into the 130s. so i am back under the covers. waiting. for easing.

but it seems like my body & brain are marking the day of leaving. & if i took a photo or 2, they would look just the same… as.. a year ago…


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