i wouldn’t have thought it possible to feel worse this christmas than last year – when newly alone & sinking into deeper illness. & yet for personal reasons, i am in deep sadness. even as my illness has stabilized for now. this silent night feels as unbearable as so many nights have felt since i have become so ill. just for different reasons. & now i have to be careful that i don’t relapse.
i will look for the moon. & i will close my eyes. & i will pray to become a better person.
“…Fall on your knees O hear the angels voices.
O night divine O night when Christ was born
O night divine, O night, O night divine….”