swim

i want to thank my friends for reaching out to me.  your graciousness & love so move me.

i am trying to be.  this moment.  whatever it holds.   what the bed feels like.  holding my dog.  the feel of my feet on the floors.  the sight of the large soft snow falling now outside my window.  the warmth of my sweater.  the taste of my food.   seeing & hearing the birds gather, puffed up in the neighbor’s tree.   watching the light of day slowly change in quality & length.   water on my face.  my coffee.  my dog & i breathing…. still.. quietness.

mostly with no thoughts, since my brain symptoms are among my worst cluster of symptoms.

looking for life in the smallest of ways as a means to stay.

the truth is, i do want to live.  i am still learning this now not new severe way of being.  i have no way of knowing what is ahead.  dropping baseline & having suffering be unrelenting is so hard.  so i breathe.  & i let be.  & i let go.

what is clear to me – is what love is.  ❤  & that will always be so.

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