ME is a solitary disease. it forces one to withdraw. & at severe levels, this is even more true. i can only speak for a minutes at a time. or write a tiny bit at a time.
since i became sicker gradually over years, i shed layers of my life. soon people stopped calling. as an introvert, i was happy to have a few close friends that i could still do little things with. like have coffee. or take a walk. sit by the lake. there was peace there. & contentment.
once i went severe, my friends rallied. but when severe did not abate, they disappeared one by one. so did my family.
it is hard, after all, when one has nothing to offer anyone…. but needs help….
i am fortunate there is such a strong ME community online, when i am well enough to participate. & i have made some dear friends there.
as people walked out of my life, others walked in. there have been a handful of people who have turned toward me & extended such generosity & love. they didn’t have to do that. just thinking about this makes me want to cry.
i’ve been in relapse & also dealing with another physical issue that has made life even harder. i was lying down as usual when these flowers came for me from my dear girlfriend heidi.
in these past months i have been blessed daily with her love & support. she bravely walked into my life, even knowing how ill i was. even as she deals with her own challenges, she opened her heart & her soul to me. it is a gift of pure love, one for which i am daily thankful.
i told her she was brave. & she answered, “i think i recognized early on, on a deep level, who you were. so it didn’t feel like bravery. it just felt like tao, like the truth, like flowing with the course of the river. you were simply before me, as you have been in the past, many times, & i recognized your heart & soul.”
one of the greatest gifts we can give each other as humans is to be recognized in such a way. & to feel connected heart & soul. & to then open with trust & respect & unconditional love.
i am so fortunate to be loved in such a beautiful way & i so pray, even in my limitations, that i too, may love in this same way.
i only know how truly grateful i am.